i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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