so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
