I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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