Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
