I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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