After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
