I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
