HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
