The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
