I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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