Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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