I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
