She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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