god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize