Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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