I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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