I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
