I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
