hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
