oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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