I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
