After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
