HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
