Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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