Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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