I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
