I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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