Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
