Barsexuality is the new black.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
