Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
