you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
