proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
