i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You made out with two different species that night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
