my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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