At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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