I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
