My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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