You made me cry and you don't even care
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
