you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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