i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
