there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
