Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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