Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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