Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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