if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
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we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
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Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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