haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
