i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
wow bdsm is so cute
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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