You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
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People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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