From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
