Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
