I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
