It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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