So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
