They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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