god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
