chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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