So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
