Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
