she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
