oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
