You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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