it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
