i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
