I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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