we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
