Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
