just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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