i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
