He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
