Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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