I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I need to stop coming to work sober
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he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
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He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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