party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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