i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
