she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
