Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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