So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
soo... how was my night?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
