my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i came on her dog
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
