Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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