I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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