I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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