a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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