I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
