I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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